Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel was a powerful and convicting read for us as parents (Jonathan read it too). So many parenting books I have come away from just feeling like a total failure and that I have missed the ideal mark of what would be considered good parenting. "Grace-based parenting is not a checklist for parenting; it's a lifestyle. It's a clear attempt to retrofit your minds to respond to your children in the same way God responds to you." (Kimmel) I loved how the gospel remains the foundation and driving focal point of the whole book. Why is it so easy to forget that as a believer? The concept of the book is so basic, but even as believers we are so prone to run from best practices to best practices and search for ways in which WE can produce godly children, instead of living and guiding our children in a way that is grace filled and gospel centered.
"If we have a flawed theology regarding God's attitude toward us, it can automatically create a chain reaction of flawed decisions in how we raise our children. It can also set up our children to miss the joy of God, the heart of God, and the power of God in their personal lives." (Kimmel)
One area in which we were called on was not to make issue over the small things or quirky characteristics in our children. Sometimes it is so easy to respond to their quirks as severely as if they were sin, out of our selfishiness or because we value what other people are thinking about our kids. Kimmel writes, "Kids inside homes where nonmoral issues are elevated to a level of big problems don't get to experience the kind of acceptance that makes a heart feel securely loved. Instead they live with a baggage of nitpicking criticism, receiving put-downs because they are curious, anxious, excited, helpless, carefree, or absent-minded." When we value their unique characteristics the child senses the kind of acceptance that God has for us in our uniqueness.
I would highly recommend this book and am glad to have taken my time working through it. In closing, here is an editorial review of the book:
Kimmel, author and founder of Family Matters ministries, likens many Christian parents' attempts at rearing children to putting together a puzzle without first studying the completed picture located on the box's cover. Kimmel states that families of faith tend toward extremes, either being overly permissive or overly legalistic. This is not a particularly new concept, but Kimmel pulls it off with interesting storytelling and sound biblical parallels. He says Christians frequently believe that the battle for a child's heart and soul is fought on the outside-with rigid rules and boundaries-when in fact just the opposite is true. He underscores the importance of communicating the unconditional love that Christ offers and affirming this timeless message of grace to one's family. Despite the numerous examples the author cites where parents fail, this text is overwhelmingly upbeat with hope and possibility: Parents who strive to live a life of faith characterized by daily trust in God will pass on this message of possibility and potential to their offspring. Kimmel asserts that this "radical" mode of parenting will meet the three essential needs in kids' lives: for security, significance and strength. He assures parents that these needs can be met with grace-laced love, purpose and hope. Kimmel's gentle heart is evident in every chapter, and his obvious passion will spur frustrated parents to keep at the task with new resolve and optimism.
