Sur.viv.al

Sur.viv.al:  The act or fact of surviving, especially under adverse or unusual circumstances.

Being in "survival mode" is really a place I don't like to find myself.  That feeling of sometimes just barely getting by is draining.  However, for the past two weeks that is where we have been as a family.  I have not had the strength to keep up with more than the bare minimum to keep our home functioning.  I have handed off nearly every task as a mother and homemaker to my husband.  He has worn so many hats these past couple of weeks, and has done so with joy as he has selflessly served me, our kids and our King.  Our love and appreciation for each other has certainly grown through this recent trial!  Did I mention that not only has he had to care for me, but two kids who had the flu during this time as well?

I am making progress in my recovery, even if it is frustratingly slow.  Sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back.  As is the case for me today.  I went to the grocery store yesterday and made dinner last night, and today I am feeling the strain and toll those tasks took of my body.

In the forced quiet and rest of these past weeks, I have been learning so much.  I have seen and marveled at God's grace over and over again.  I have been broken and strengthened in my weakness.  Resting in Him I have found joy and peace.  I have wrestled with fear and the what if's of my own body's frailty, and have had to cast those constantly before the Lord.  I have struggled with feelings of worth, only to have the Spirit reveal to me that I was putting my feeling of worth and value in the things I can accomplish, rather than in my Creator and who I am in Him.  I have had lots of reading time and have been challenged and convicted deeply.  This has not been wasted time for me, even though it may be tempting to think so when I have spent more time sunk into the cushions of the couch than I wish to acknowledge.  

God is working and right now he has chosen to do as I am wholely drained of all physical strength, making me wholely dependant on His strength.  I am thankful for this trial and pray that He will be glorified and His name lifted high as a result.