Grace for the Good Girl

G.R.A.C.E.

I think this must be my theme for 2012.  In everything I am reading and learning, God has been revealing to me His grace in a very real and personal way.  Having been a child of God for most of my life, you would think I would have a complete understanding of this word.  I am so thankful for the recent reminders that all of life is grace, not just something extended to us at the point of salvation.  I need grace each moment of my life and He lavishly pours it out on me.  I regret the years I have lived taking for granted His outpouring of daily grace.  I am learning and growing in a much deeper understanding of His grace recently and it has been such a blessing!

While on bed rest in January, my sister-in-law recommended to me a book by Emily Freeman, Grace for the Good Girl:  Letting go of the Try-hard Life  WOW, what a great book!  I could totally relate to the good girl label.  After all, I am the missionary and pastor's wife, right?  Freeman reveals how as women we can easily mask our true selves behind this persona of what others expect us to be or of what we want them to think of us.  How when we do that we are not free as we should be in Christ.

I think having the profile of the pastor's wife sets me specifically up to come across as being put together, always the giver of encouragement, wise council etc. -- when in reality I feel anything but that most of the time.  I did not realize the deep rooted problems this can cause in being able to relate to others and more importantly living freely as to who I am in Christ.  At one point in our ministry, Jonathan admitted to being tired and was rebuked by a national partner.  That experience has only driven me to convey that everything is always fine, but it has really inhibited us to feel free to be honest and open in relationships. I want to strip those masks that I have put on without even realizing it.  I want to be free to expose the messy, so that others may see HIS grace and not me and my efforts.  I told Jonathan this book was just "hitting me while I was down", while physically weak, God used this book to convict and encourage me.  So glad I read it and for the hope found in the truths of God's word and the focus on grace that Emily so well communicated to the reader.

The first section of the book, "The Hiding", talks about the different types of masks we wear. Masks of responsibility, strength, spiritual disciplines, acts of service and good performance, always showing that everything is fine etc. The second section of the book, "The Finding", delves into what it looks like to find ourselves in Christ - when we take off our masks and rest in Him. The third section talks about the freedom of being found in Christ. Of being safe in His arms, even when life hurts.  Each of us are able to live loving God and receiving God's love and not constantly hiding behind the "good girl" mask.

After each chapter there are reflection/discussion questions.  At the end there is a study guide for small groups.  This would be a great book for such a setting.

I was deeply challenged by this book and have been blessed also by Emily's blog, Chatting at the Sky.  This will have to be a book I reread in a couple of months.  There has been so much I have been trying to process and realize that as I write this post about a book I read a month ago, I am already in need of a refresher!

P.S. If you follow the above link to the book, it is currently on sale for $5.  A super great deal--so go get it ladies!!

Samuel's 9th Birthday

Our final year of single digit children has begun.  *Sniff sniff*  Samuel could not have been more excited for his birthday!  All week he was giving us play-by-play accounts of "this is my last ___ of being 8".  He had his day all planned out down to the time he would wake up.  He told us he was going to sleep in until 9:00AM so that we could get everything ready for his birthday.  Haha, not sure what he was expecting, but hopefully he was not dissapointed.  We told him he didn't need to have each minute of the day planned out and that he should just enjoy it as the day unfolds.  (He woke up at 7AM, by the way).  Yesterday he officially told Emma: "You may have my #8 now that I am 9".

Samuel, you are one sentimental boy!  So sweet and appreciative for all the little details of life.  You are a true joy to us and make our family so special.  You have grown by leaps and bounds this past year and are no longer our "little boy", but a young man.  God is working in your heart and giving you such compassion for others, a desire to know truth and seek that in God's word, a desire to do all things well and an increased level of perseverance.  You are our little budding musician, scientist and theologian.  We love your continuous stream of questions and pray they never stop.  We wish you the best year of life yet, and can't wait to walk another year of life with you.  

Yesterday we had a leisurely morning and then opened up presents before heading out for the afternoon. He loved all of his gifts and his dream came true of having his own microscope.  I didn't realize he had that dream, so kuddos to Papa and Nano for helping him realize his dreams.  He loves science and now we ALL will get educated on random science facts in microbiology.  Seriously, I learn so much from this kid!  Luca and Emma made very special cards for Samuel.  Emma also made him a stuffed mouse and paper top.  I love to see their love for each other expressed in their own little ways.  He also received books, DVDs and legos.

We went out for lunch and then went to the theater to see "The Muppets".  It was a fun afternoon and we all enjoyed the movie.  So nice to not have Luca getting bored because of the language issue, thus making our theater viewing more enjoyable.  We came home to a house filled with the aroma of marvelous meatballs in the crockpot per Samuel's request.  He had several phone calls, enjoyed his dinner and then ended his special day with the Star Wars Millenium Falcon Cake.  He said it was the best birthday ever.  Mission accomplished!

Thank you so much everyone for your sweet cards, e-mails, gifts and phone calls.  You ALL were a part of making this Samuel's best birthday ever!  We love you!

More Snow Fun

The snow has kept coming down for the most part of the week.  Today is supposed to be the final day though.  They should have cancelled school today as the roads were really bad since late afternoon yesterday.  Jonathan was slipping and sliding on the road coming home from the kids' piano lessons last night.  He had to cancel English and nearly everyone texted him back saying "good call".  More than half of the kids were absent from school today.  And from what we gathered from our kids, they didn't do much of any work so as not to leave their absent classmates behind.  We kept Luca home this morning, which made his day.  Since school is half day on Thursdays, the kids were excited to get back out and play in the snow again.

iPod Playlist

Apart from Jonathan's current album, "All Good Things Are Broken" there has been one other on my iPod repeat playlist.  It is the current album, "Every Falling Tear" by Matt Hammitt.  It has been on continuous stream for us since we discovered the CD a week ago.  Each song has ministered to us in a special way, and it is rare that one CD can do that.  A timely, God-sent musical blessing to us this week.  Here are two of my favorites:

Winter Wonderland

A couple of weeks ago, we had a real heavy fog followed by freezing temps over night.  I snapped a few pictures of the "snow" that crystalized and covered everything, thinking it would as close to snow we could get this season.

The first snow fall of the season came over the weekend.  I don't think the kids could have been happier!  There was as much anticipation of waking up to a snow covered ground as there was for Christmas morning.  The snow did however, foil our plans to get to church as it took Jonathan 2 hours to dig ourselves out to the street, thanks to the 3 feet of snow the snow plow shoved into our driveway.  My man has some real brawn and even at that, there is something about heaving wet and heavy snow (not exactly the white fluff like in Michigan) in the drizzling rain, then later turned snow that really takes it out of you.  Makes for a good excuse to have a pot of coffee on all day.

This is our snow in Leinì...

One Thousand Gifts

For Christmas, I received from Jonathan, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, by Ann Voskamp.  It was a book that I have been wanting to read for a year, but was waiting to get it in book form instead of on the Kindle. I had heard it was a book I would want to read over and over again.  After reading it, I would agree.  One reason being, I felt there was so much to absorb and take in.  It is written in a poetic style that requires much concentration and contemplation as to what she is even trying to say at times.  For some, that style of writing might be a huge turn off and distraction, but for me I found it beautiful and inspiring.

Ann uses the book to tell her testimony and how the act of thanksgiving and intentional gratitude has transformed her life and her relationship with God, providing a way of seeing ALL as grace and thus allowing her to fully live.  She takes you on a journey through her pain, trials, questioning and discovery of the joy that is found in Christ.  I appreciate how she didn't just leave the challenge to list our gratitude for His graces, but to then BE grace to those around you.  "A life contemplating the blessings of Christ becomes a life acting the love of Christ" (p.184). And "to give the thanks away. That thanks-giving might literally become thanks-living" (p. 192). "

This year I am taking the 2012 Joy Dare Challenge of listing 1,000 gifts and moments of graces in my life.  Praying that I may learn to see more of Christ through the messy, mundane and every day moments of life.

FOR ALL IS GRACE!!

Sur.viv.al

Sur.viv.al:  The act or fact of surviving, especially under adverse or unusual circumstances.

Being in "survival mode" is really a place I don't like to find myself.  That feeling of sometimes just barely getting by is draining.  However, for the past two weeks that is where we have been as a family.  I have not had the strength to keep up with more than the bare minimum to keep our home functioning.  I have handed off nearly every task as a mother and homemaker to my husband.  He has worn so many hats these past couple of weeks, and has done so with joy as he has selflessly served me, our kids and our King.  Our love and appreciation for each other has certainly grown through this recent trial!  Did I mention that not only has he had to care for me, but two kids who had the flu during this time as well?

I am making progress in my recovery, even if it is frustratingly slow.  Sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back.  As is the case for me today.  I went to the grocery store yesterday and made dinner last night, and today I am feeling the strain and toll those tasks took of my body.

In the forced quiet and rest of these past weeks, I have been learning so much.  I have seen and marveled at God's grace over and over again.  I have been broken and strengthened in my weakness.  Resting in Him I have found joy and peace.  I have wrestled with fear and the what if's of my own body's frailty, and have had to cast those constantly before the Lord.  I have struggled with feelings of worth, only to have the Spirit reveal to me that I was putting my feeling of worth and value in the things I can accomplish, rather than in my Creator and who I am in Him.  I have had lots of reading time and have been challenged and convicted deeply.  This has not been wasted time for me, even though it may be tempting to think so when I have spent more time sunk into the cushions of the couch than I wish to acknowledge.  

God is working and right now he has chosen to do as I am wholely drained of all physical strength, making me wholely dependant on His strength.  I am thankful for this trial and pray that He will be glorified and His name lifted high as a result.